So much that I love about my Meditation group is the sharing , the sense of connectedness & intimacy that we share every Tuesday morning. Taken in relation to the Three Jewels of Buddhism, this is Sangha ~ we come together to gain wisdom, meditate and help each other. I spoke about this after our seated meditation; it was a theme that popped up in my practice a I let go of striving and accepted the moment as it unfolded.
When we were in Walking Meditation, I found myself with a raving case of Monkey-Mind. My body felt good, my pace was even and relaxed; twice I was able to release tension in my shoulders, but my mind marched on to its own drummer. It took me from one thing to the next, sticking its tongue out in contempt at the inner voice cautioning "Now, no striving...". As I placed one foot slowly and mindfully on the floor in front of me, I realized how much I felt like a tightrope walker. I was amused by this - - me, walking my imaginary tightrope. I fell twice. ;) I saw how much tightrope walking, though, *is* meditative. Your focus - your life- rests on a thin rope at your feet and maintaining your balance (insert greater life metaphor here). I then jumped mentally to the years we spent Scrambling along cliffs and high ridges in the Rocky, Adirondack and White Mountains. It hit me then how much my passion for the Mountains may rest in the mindful, meditative quality they foster in me. You don't have time to fret about life or borrow trouble from the future - - you focus ONLY on the here and now, one foot in front of the other, one finger hold at a time.
The Mountains
were my first Meditation.
In my climbing, I found the 'now'. I was - had to be - present. Even when sitting down to rest on a rocky ledge, I would lose myself in the majesty, the scale of life, around me. I was nowhere else but there. I can see now that this has a lot to do with why I always felt more alive, more
awake, in the Mountains. This is where I experienced euphoria. At the time, I explained it only as "I really love the Mountains. I really love climbing.". Now, I think I see another layer.
Later, in Seated Meditation, I again felt striving begin to reappear - striving to move away from contemplating the realizations of my Walking Meditation - striving and frustrated. I felt frustrated at my busy mind. Then I remembered Jack Kornfield's retelling of his own experience with "Monkey-Mind" while studying at a monastery in Thailand with Ven. Ajahn Chah. In his time with the Master, he described feeling overcome with irritation at his every busy Monkey-Mind. With a glint of humour in his eye, the Ajahn Chah frowned deeply, replying "Ahhhhh... How unfortunate; you are the only one to experience this". Heh. Good reminder. With a slight chuckle, I let go. My inner voice said "the moment is perfect
just as it is". Whatever happens (or not), wherever the Meditation takes me (or doesn't), it's all good.
My mind kind of eased then. Gradually, I felt my body far below me - that slightly heady sensation that I sometimes experience. For lack of a better way of explaining it, I began to "see" ripples of movement - soft aqua merging with deep blue - like ripples of water. The voice then said "We are all water. We are water, the Earth is water. We are all the same, interconnected." I realize it probably sounds nutty to hear a voice. It's kind of a silent hearing; by this I mean, I don't really HEAR it, but it's like mentally being able to hear someone (my true self, the Witness?) speaking. It was just this really powerful sensation this hard to put into words. We are all one. With that, the ripples faded - - well, actually, it's more like I ZOOMED back "down", like landing from somewhere up high. My mind was dark and quiet. I felt my feet on the carpet again, my hands in my lap, the smooth wooden surface of my mala beads.
The Moment is Perfect Just as it Is.
We are One.
I am so grateful for this group of women who, in such a short period of measured time, have become such a big part of my life. I had cast a line out, and feel so blessed by the pure *treasure* that came to me. What good fortune.
Rereading what I journaled about a few days ago, sparked by a reading in Cheri Huber's
"Making a Change for Good" (GREAT book, by the way), I realize how my nagging force of conditioned mind was trying to disrupt and demoralize me. "You've got Monkey-Mind!" it taunted; "You're striving again!!", it smugly whispered. I outlasted it. I was able to recommit.
"Life is a tidal wave. If you wait for things to calm down to start swimming with the current, you might not survive the wait."
Water. Water again. Interestingly, this make me think of what you're supposed to do if you ever find yourself caught in a riptide. Those who fight against the water succumb to it and die. Nor do you have to let it suck you out endlessly, though. Instead, swim sideways. Swim sideways to get yourself out of the riptide. Relax and just move
with it. There's a greater life lesson in this.
Also fascinating, while I'm on the water thing? Nina also had water figure prominently in her Seated Meditation. She found herself remembering something that Wayne Dyer has written about God being like the Ocean, and that we all have the Ocean inside of us, the water endless and available to us in each moment.
Darla shared that she'd felt tremendous gratitude in her Meditation for the interconnectedness of all life ~ in the humans, plants and animals that share the Earth. We all breathe, we breathe together - humans, all other animals and plants; we are all connected.
It amazes me how parallel our experiences often are in these Meditation sessions. We are all connected, indeed.
~K
In case anyone is interested,
here are some great dharma talks by Jack Kornfield. He's actually quite funny and entertaining to listen to, in addition to being very informed.
